What You've All Been Waiting For

Well I'm happy to let you all know that the RAGE lives. Where the helll are my emoticons when I need them! FUCK. It's morning, I've just come from the doctor and I've got tons of work to do but I need to VENT. Paul is giving me the silent treatment today and it's so freaking annoying. Every time he does this (it's been a while, I admit) I immediately think of my cross comment. As in, get down off the cross Paul, we need the wood. Last night we met V and E for drinks and dinner...all was well. I had a few gin and tonics along with some wine...everything seemed fine. But after V and E left apparently I "flew into a rage, argued with myself, and then passed out." No, that's not how I remember it. I do remember being very mad. I found out Paul had not checked something to do with the arts show...found out because I logged on and got a message with the correct pronunciation of a guest's name. Asked him to always check and I swear Paul said what he often says, that I get paid more than he does and so he's not going to check that stuff (or some variation of the comment). Paul's says I actually said it to him and answered myself...basically that I took both sides of the argument in front of him. I don't remember it that way but anyhow...I did NOT pass out. I went to bed because I was angry with him. I HATE that attitude. Although maybe I was just channeling something, who knows...and not really talking to him. Anyhow this morning, we talk it over and I apologize (for letting the RAGE take hold--I hafta tell you folks, am PMS-ing and I definitely definitely think that plays a role in these incidents). Well we head into the office together and he says not one word to me. I try to start a conversation and he just gives short, clipped answers. You know...whatEVER Paul. I hate that shiiit.

Oh I'm so mad. Maybe I'm feeling bad and Paul has made me feel worse. I am sure I was nasty to him, I do remember that. it is hard to work with someone and also be involved with them. I just wish he wouldn't SULK. I hate sulking! I used to do that too, but now I've gone completely the other way.

Just found out my mom has a "shadow" on her lung of some kind. Was going to tell Paul but then I'd feel kind of like I am begging for sympathy. I'd rather he just get over it.

Speaking of just get over it, I got a text message from my ex-husband the other night. I am just now remembering that it came. This is what it said:

"We spread my mom's ashes at the foot of Twin Owls in Estes Park."

That's in Colorado, for those of you that don't know.

Haven't heard from him in a while, but I know his mother died some time ago...I want to say two years, but I could be wrong. I stopped keeping track of those things but I remember talking to him on the phone because he called and was very upset.

Why was that text sent? It doesn't even say, Hello...long time no see...How ya doing? I'm busy and oh yeah, by the way, we took Mom's ashes to Colorado.

I didn't know she was cremated. I uh...I know that Michael and I went to Colorado but I don't remember if his mother did.

What the FUKC!! I wonder if Michael was drunk or something. (Well but it's all spelled correctly.)

What is the proper response from me? "Oh gee, that's great! Was wondering where she'd end up."

Or maybe: "Who is this?" (that would really get him, eh.) hahaha

I know what Lois would send: "Michael, I think this message is inappropriate and while I'm sorry for your loss please don't contact me again."

That sounds so harsh. I'm just ignoring it. Well truthfully, I just forgot about it till now.

I talked to my sister and I hope she doesn't mind my adding this, but apparently when she and her husband fight it's kind of the same dynamic. Screaming Hall Chick, quiet or totally silent Mate. I guess it's hereditary.