Have Finally Resolved Blogger Issues

At least, with this one. The second alternative blog appears hopelessly lost...I was trying to add it to this one and the shiite really hit the fan. It has taken me all weekend to get back on this one. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Needless to say, I haven't been blogging anyway. I kind of felt too busy and scattered. Working on the new show has kept me enormously busy, but in a good way...and now Paul and I are working the same sked again, so I have no private time for blogging. He's right now in the other room working on an art project, and am taking a chance that he won't notice that I'm blogging this while allegedly getting together information for my trip.

Trip? I am going to D.C. tomorrow night for a few days, with TK. On Tuesday we're taking part in something called White House radio day and yes, it's possible I will meet GWB himself. At the very least, we'll be bombarded with cabinet members who want air time right before the November elections, which they are destined to lose...unless the Democrats really fukk it up...and that's definitely possible!

TK's show is now live two hours a day and I've been relieved of all of my other duties...which means no more art show, and no more Diva show. Actually, Diva's show has been CANCELLED. She isn't upset at all--as a matter of fact, I think she's relieved. She and I both needed a change. She'll be anchoring the arts show on the weekend, which is now going to be TWO hours...and they' ve assigned someone else to produce it.

I am to focus on TK 24-7. It's cool so far, I don't mind. But get this...guess who will anchor the new 1pm show on radio? MAGOO! That's right, he's going to be doing radio and tv...not sure what this means in terms of his career but his co-anchor on tv was at a party I attended this weekend and she said he seems happy about it. Thank god I'm not the producer of that show anymore...would be a little much to have to work with him every day.

Well not that I care so much. Am so focused on Paul and making that work that other guys don't enter the picture. We've had a lot to deal with in the past two weeks...more money woes, some nasty fighting...and attempts at fertilization. I am totally on the baby train now folks. Have been charting my cycle and Paul and I are working at it like troupers. We both agree that some of the romance has gone out of it but what are you gonna do?

This all in the midst of big changes for all of us at work (Paul's now working on TK's show with me, oy) and some people are walking around bitching and moaning, others are ecstatic. I am now working late (till 7pm every night)...I don't mind so much. I get to come in later, which means I can sleep in, some of the time...although our trip to DC is going to include 18 hour days. This can't be good for the baby (the theoretical one) but it is good for my career.

I have so much that I haven't told you all but I just wanted to get this on here. I am still trying to recover the other blog...but it may not be recoverable. Who the hell knows. I seriously thought this one was lost, also...but I am back on.

I miss my fraps, haven't talked to them. Haven't done much of anything but work lately (and yeah, the sex has been work).

Monday Evening

Just got home from dinner with TK, having had three martinis called "Karma Sutras". Yummy. We were doing Indian. What a weird dinner.

Tk and I were talking about work and at some point he said I looked good in my corporate blue. I was wearing my lucky blue suit.

I felt dirty, in a way. Men.

Turns out TK used to play hockey. He's an ex-musician, a big tall Dork. Yet I like him. But I don't LIKE him. Do I need to be worried?

Have turned on the movie "Closer."

"I've been hit before." "You're leaving me because you think you don't deserve happiness." Do you know, I've had an ex boyfriend say to me as we were breaking up, that he will find someone that wants to be happy.

Shit!

"He tastes like you only sweeter." Man oh man ohmanohman. Those of you with happy lives, cherish them. Those of us that have been through the shit, well...what ya gonna do?

MY GOD. This movie rocks, in a strange, sad, twisted way. "I fucked her to fuck you up."

I didn't like this movie when I first saw it.

"You don't know the first thing about love, because you don't understand compromise."

Well, Damn.

I'm eating dessert at home, watching this awfully depressing movie and smoking cigarettes. Dark P without the Dark.

Clive Owen is in this movie. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

Jude Law. Used to think he was beautiful. Upon repeated viewings of this film, he's just a wussy boy. Give me a caveman like Clive. Well, maybe nicer.

I've known men like Jude and Clive. Oh the stories I could tell, if I ever publish my book.

Quick Note on Saturday Morning

Hey. Am home, doing the stepmom thing. Gotta get her up soon so we can stop at the phone store and then I have to drop her off at class. I have decided to go ahead and put her on my phone plan in spite of advice from Diva and others that it is a mistake. I suppose if Paul and I actually did break up, Jaz would be phone-less.

On that topic, just wanted to let you know that Paul and I are good...we've been having these long conversations every night...helpful. Plus when it comes right down to it, he's cute and I can't resist him. I came home from work the other night and he was sitting in the living room working on his art piece he's going to give to my sister...in his underwear.

and even though earlier in the day we had screamed the following at each other--Fuck off! No, YOU fuck off!--his comment when I came in the door was, "Hi honey." Seems we are alike in that we forget to remain angry with each other.

So tonight I go to this benefit for Sheyam's sister's video company...should be fun, and Sheyam is back in town! Yay!! Frap Summit in NYC, part DEUX. (Am watching French Kiss on HBO. Kinda dumb movie but I like Meg Ryan, pre-plastic surgery.)

My replacement on Diva's show has taken to calling Diva "Herself". Makes me laugh. Damn but there's never enough time to blog...the child is awake, can't let her see this. Gotta log off.

Working Late

Here I am in the office, studying a speech by a Fed official, waiting to do a special edition of TK's show. We are the "show of record" on the economy and so therefore we go on with a completely different show from the one that aired earlier today. Oy. One of the not-so-great things about my new gig. However, I still like it. It's interesting and TK and I get along swimmingly. He still tends to text me with incomprehensible gibberish after a few martinis (or any time actually...the man cannot type to save his life!). Today we were talking about where to go for martinis and I mentioned the place where CC and I enjoyed key lime versions. YUMMY. TK said their martinis are too big. My reply, via office email: "No drink is too big." He wrote back: "Trouble, that's what you are." Love TK! Today he re-introduced me to the BIG BOSS, whose desk is right next to him. He said to me, have you met MW? I said yeah. Then I added, well but I am sure he doesn't remember. So TK made a big show of taking me over. We shook hands. MW said I was doing a great job and thanked me. Er. Ok. Am so far thoroughly enjoying being TK's minion. And last week with Magoo was funny. He did a data check and said we were "oh so close" to a record. My manager quickly buzzed me in the control room and said "we don't say oh-so-close, please tell Magoo." So during a commercial I told Magoo we don't allow any personality on this show and to cut that out. He looked at me in surprise. So I had to explain that "oh-so-close" is a sign of personality and to please cut that out. CC said later, you didn't actually correct Magoo? And I said of course, it's my job to do that. Ha.I think CC wants Magoo. She sent me a note that said "I love M--" the first time he hosted. Go to it. Have at him, CC. I am sort of avoiding telling you all that Paul and I are having a difficult week. Last night we spent time arguing, then talking, then arguing...then talking. This thing with his ex hasn't helped (although she's still done nothing)...I dunno. I don't really want to blog the details but I THINK we're okay. I asked him if we could go and see a couples therapist and he's agreeable. I just think we fight about alot of the same stuff...and sometimes no matter how hard I try to Lois the situation, we repeat the same patterns. I am seriously considering giving up drinking...I don't know that it really would stop us from arguing but uh...it would probably be good anyhow...but then of course Paul won't and he says he's comfortable with who he is drinking. I told him that wasn't constructive. Also told him I'm tired of him sneering at my smoking. He says he only does it because he loves me. And I told him, well what if I sneered at your smoking? and he said, you do. Oh yeah, true. See what I mean. Sometimes I think Paul is the most perfect man for me and then sometimes, when we go back and forth arguing over stupid stuff, I think...WHY do I want to be in a relationship? He is wondering the same thing, sometimes. He told me that last night. I think we're both just cranky. I know he's worried about money and his ex and he wants us to buy a place and I'm talking about having a baby and all that stuff. On my end, I don't like being in the middle of this thing with his ex and I feel like she takes advantage of him and he says he handles her the way he wants to and I should butt out and he's probably right but it is very difficult to stand on the sidelines. I kind of hope we do go see someone because if nothing else, it would be fabulous blog material: "Paul, how do you feel when Patty screams at you?" "I feel bad and I retreat into a shell. That's how I handle things." "Patty, how do you feel when Paul sulks?" "Like I want to punch him in the face." "Er, Patty, that doesn't seem like a good solution."